And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
