bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
