oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
