The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
