what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
