I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I stole a fireplace last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
