i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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