Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
