i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
