you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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