Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
