Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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