is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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