i was born a porn star she said
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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