listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
