Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
