Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
