literally had 100 drinks last night.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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