you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
