Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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