how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
