I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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