did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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