There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
