I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
