respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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