Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
