My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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