Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
