I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
