Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
