It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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