It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
