I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
