Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
