Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
