Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm passing your future prison.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
