How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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