That's intense
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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