i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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