yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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