why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i've created a new STD.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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