you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
