i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
