i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
