i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
