I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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