Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
