Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
NoShamevember. You game?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
