I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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