Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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