Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
